30 and still single? Top 2 tips to getting engaged!
I met my (now) fiance’ when I was 30 years old and I turned 32 one month before he proposed to me. (But I knew I wanted to marry him for sure without a doubt within 3 months into our relationship.) How could I be so sure so soon? Well, I had lots of practice doing the wrong things with the wrong guys to be able to recognize when the right guy finally walked into my life.
I have talked to countless women who feel like they are falling behind if they haven’t got engaged, married, or had babies by the time they are in their 30’s.
Personally, I don’t think anyone is really capable of having a HEALTHY and stable relationship before the age of 25. Let’s face it. In our 20’s most of us don’t know what to do with ourselves nonetheless with someone else. Our 20’s are meant to teach us what we want and our 30’s are meant to practice what we’ve learned.
Now, that’s not to say that some people don’t get lucky and meet the love of their lives early on. There are plenty of people that do but, this blog is not for them. This blog is for people who feel restless because they’ve been dating and can’t seem to find “Mr.Right”.
There is hope for you but, Step #1: REMOVE your age as a factor. Believe me, your age isn’t working against you, it is working for you. If you are in your 30’s then chances are you’ve had enough experiences with different people in different relationships to at least know what you don’t want. Now (if you haven’t already figured it out) you need to decide on what you do want and you can’t make any excuses to stray away from that. For instance, if you don’t want to be with someone who has kids then don’t go on dates and get involved with someone that does. You’re either going to waste your time or you’re going to have to budge.
I can honestly say that my fiance’ is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted! However, before meeting him people tried to convince me that the perfect man did not exist (thank god I did not listen to them). I stayed true to my belief that I could find someone that was perfect enough for ME. If you have high standards because you know EXACTLY what you want then more power to you boo boo. I’ll tell you this much, you’re not going to get more (out of anything) if you’re willing to settle for less.
So, If someone were to ask you what you want in a partner you better the answer. Make a list! No, seriously. Write it down. You need to really think about this and have a tangible document to look at to hold yourself accountable. Write a few drafts before finalizing if you need to…but WRITE IT DOWN.
Step #2: Communicate what you want! Don’t be shy. Tell them what you want for your now and for your later. (Maybe not on the first date but, if you are spending a decent amount of time together and it feels like there is a connection then, it is only logical to at some point - sooner rather than later- discuss where it is going.) The right person will respect you for it and the wrong person will walk away (and make space for the right person).
Be upfront. Are you looking for something long term? If so, let them know. You don’t have to say, “hey so we gettin’ married or what?!” but, you can say, “I am at a point in my life where I am looking for something that can turn into something (wink-wink). Then, create space for them to respond. Give them a chance to have an honest answer to this. If crickets, then say, What about you?” If they tell you that they just got out of a serious relationship (or something like that) and just want to have fun for now then say, “Cool! You have officially been friend-zoned! Then laugh. Haha. Seriously though, in a case like this, DO NOT waste your time. He’s telling you that it’s not going to go anywhere because HE DOESN’T WANT IT TO! He cannot be more clear. Ladies, this is not an invitation to win some sort of competition. When a man says he’s not ready he means it. Walk away… There are plenty of men who are ready and who will do everything to make you feel like YOU ARE THE PRIZE! Sooo…clear your throat “cough-cough” and NEEEEEXT!
When my fiance and I first started dating (I’m talkin’ within 3-4 weeks in) we had a conversation about what we were open to for the future. Granted we were spending a lot of time together and we were really connecting. It felt right and it felt like there was real potential for it to go somewhere. That’s why I felt comfortable to tell him that I was in my 30s and that I didn’t need another boyfriend to add to the list. In other words I explained to him that if we were going to date it was because there was a purpose to see where it went and effort to do our parts to make it go somewhere (if we saw real potential). We both agreed to be exclusive before making it “official” (I will discuss that in an upcoming blog) but the goal was to put all our cards on the table and be honest and open so that we could really get to know each other. Neither of us wanted to get into a relationship just cause. We wanted to be real about or likes/dislikes/goals/values/etc and we agreed that if we felt that everything aligned we would then make it “official” (introduce families and start working towards a future together).
It was smooth sailing because things like this were all discussed early on and we both agreed and were on the same page annnnnnnd a year later WE GOT ENGAGED!!! :)
It’s so important to be on the same page from the beginning.
All in all, don’t let your age be a factor in any of this. I understand the stress that comes along with finding someone especially if you want to have children. I’ve been there. I’ve had those thoughts. But, that doesn’t mean you have to rush or that you have to settle. Focus on being the best you and doing the best for you. You deserve to have all the things on your list.